She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
