oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
