So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
