i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
