Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
