Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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