If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
