I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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