wakey wakey hands off snakey
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
