sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
