Ambien. No doubt about it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
