she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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