and you said cock pushups were impossible
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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