I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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