Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
