If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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