he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
