normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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