I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
