This is not my ceiling
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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