her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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