Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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