we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
