We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
