We won't sleep together?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
