I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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