dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
