after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
