the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
