i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
