we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
