in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
