Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
