I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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