he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
