but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
