I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
