alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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