Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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