my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
