Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He did a backflip because drugs
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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