when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
In America we eat man semen.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
