This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
