Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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