I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This baby is an asshole
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
