Just fell off a train. Bad.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
