I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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