I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
