i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
