Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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