I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
