I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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