Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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