To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
