You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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